yeah so i posted the unfinshed poem ages ago and i can't find it :roll: so i decided to post it again only finished. enjoy and comment please :)
A full moon’s dusk
Once upon a full moon’s dusk
Darkness shrouds the hours
Mortals rest their dreary heads
Creatures rouse from slumber.
They soar, scurry, climb and swing
Nightmare, dreams and all
Slither, saunter, crawl, creep
And all towards the forest.
The shadows that guard the night
Welcome the guests along
The winding path weaving through
Into the depths unravels.
Overhead hexes crackle proudly
Staining the cloaked black sky
With emeralds, azures and burgundies
Sensations like no other.
Beyond the gate of branches
Under the wispy lunar glow
Night reveals its secret
And reality’s chains are broken.
The wind sings a melody
An enchanting beautiful song
That all dance to, merry
Boundless and free to enjoy.
The creature, oh the creatures
So wonderfully weird and strange
Hundreds, thousands and millions
None want to miss this day.
A handsome, smiling charmer
With hidden razor teeth
Who won’t wait a second
To flash his prized possession.
A fast flapping flyer
With a wickedly cheeky mind
Is hunting for a victim
Thus beware if he is around.
Festivity immerses the time
Alas the clock strikes its dial
The sun begins to evade
The end slowly inches forward
“Retreat, retreat”, with disarray they flee
Taking haste with movements made
The dawn, a piercing silence
In case the mortals stir
The branches lock their grates
The shadows withers away
Idealism hide away
Slowly drifting to sleep
Though worry not for they all
Wait for the sign to arrive
Where they can open their eyes
At a full moon’s dusk.
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Canary word: Present
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Condense, condense, condense. I cannot stress that enough. It just doesn't seem to end, even when its over. It seems weird because I was just giving this advice to someone else but you always end a poem on its strongest stanza. One thing that works to your advantage is that you have some sensory detail.
One thing that doesn't, is that some of your stanzas just don't seem to fit. I recommend cutting them, and shortening the poem. It'll stronger and more concise.